I got mad triggered today guys.
If you follow me on instagram, you'll see that I flew to Budapest yesterday for work. What you won't know is the mania it took for me to get ready, drop my car off at the airport, get to the plane and finally arrive at my flat in Budapest in the evening. After all of the stress and panic, I had a lovely evening in with an early night ready for my 4.30am wake up the next morning.
My first mistake- thinking this was going to be a smooth, easy going trip.
My second mistake- checking my phone when I woke up.
I opened my phone to a message from my mum, saying how disappointed she was that I didn't get my dad a present or a card for Father's day. Now, on the surface this may not be a big deal- in a rush to get to the airport all dad got was a text message and a promise to make it up to him upon my return. You may be criticising me in your head for making a whole article about this. You may even think it is a fair enough comment for her to make, and to be honest, from anyone else I would've taken it differently. But let me explain why this resulted in such a violent limbic reaction from me.
I come from a long line of perfectionists. And the two things a perfectionist is a) performance based and b) highly critical. I understand through my research that this comes from an original wound, where 'not being perfect' resulted in a traumatic event. In a perfectionist's mind, there is this ominous paranoia that if they do not do things perfectly, something bad will happen. So when they bring children into the world, consciously or subconsciously, they fear that if the children are not perfect, bad things will happen to them (especially if they are prone to codependence, as their children are an extension of themselves).
Now because I was brought up by my mother and by my grandmother during my youth, I got a double whammy of perfectionist love (and therefore criticism)! Now, as a well read adult I can understand that this criticism came from a place of love mixed with fear... But as a child, the constant barrage of criticism, coupled with already feeling like my lack of perfection caused my parents' divorce created a wound in me that has taken years to heal- and as evidenced by my reaction to my mum's text message, is still healing!
Now, because me and my mum are in a much better place, we spoke through it and we're now all good, but I always seek to understand my emotional outbursts. They give me clues to understanding myself better. And what this flare up showed me is that the fear of criticism, and its identical twin the need for approval, were still taking space up in my life.
It put a bright shining light on the fact that it's been a year since I quit my 9-5, and whilst my streams of business have been working excellently, I have not made a move on the purpose driven side. I've been hiding behind 'being busy', or 'settling into my new routine' as excuses for not moving forward with Bee Wholly Living, when actually, what's really been holding me back is the fear of being seen. Not the outer me because as you can see on my Instagram I have absolutely no fears of that! But being wholly seen, being truly seen. Because if I truly pursue purpose, I leave myself open to the essence of me, being criticised.And I was running away from it.
That's why overcoming your fear of criticism is fundamental to your purpose. And understanding the root of your wound, and honestly reviewing what fruits it has produced in your life is the first step in overcoming the fear of criticism. Don't run away from the initial anger, or shock, that comes when you're criticised- embrace it. It's trying to tell you something, to give you a hint into a wound that has not yet healed. Once you work to the root and actually heal the instance in time that caused you to now fear criticism, you regain your power, and most importantly, you regain your voice.
If you dream of opening up your own business, or moving to a new country, or pursuing anything in life that is unique, you have got to learn how to get over this. So if parts of what I wrote resonated with you, join me on Instagram Live on the @beewhollyliving channel Tuesday 18 June at 6-7pm CET, where I'll be answering any questions you have related to the fear of criticism, as well as actionable steps on how to move yourself through the need for approval, how to differentiate between positive criticism and criticism you can bin, how to give and receive criticism, and much more. This will be very much Q & A led, so I'll be partnering with all of you and I'm very excited to see what's in store!
Don't let the need for approval, and the fear of being criticised destroy your dream. Too many people are depending on you becoming who you were created to be for you to be afraid to speak your truth. And speak it loudly.